I’ve admittedly been having a big ole pity party for myself lately. First post-divorce holidays in the times of COVID have been especially hard.

This past Thanksgiving was the loneliest one of my life.

And while I’ve struggled with depression for my entire adult life, I don’t like letting most people see that side of me. So I hide away when I’m feeling especially down. Which has been a lot lately. (I prefer to let people see the “sunshine” side. ☀️)

I just ended a relationship that I invested a lot of my heart in. Most of my family are far away. And this time last year, I would have been begrudgingly decorating the house and planning a Christmas party for over 100 people with the cutest dang Christmas treats you’ve seen, garage karaoke, neighborhood caroling…

I mean, I love the holidays… it’s the time that reminds me to slow down and make time for what matters: relationships!

So I’ve been battling a funk… feeling sorry for myself. Even though COVID has altered our reality, most people have people close, right?? (I, however, spent Thanksgiving alone with my dogs since most of my family is far away.)

So this past week, I’ve been sad. And then I decided to do something about it. I got tired of looking at my property and all that needs to be done and wishing I had someone to help me… so I bought a side-by-side and a chainsaw and decided to do what needs to be done myself. (And I bought books on leadership and purpose and endurance!)

That was a great first step. But I was still sad.

Then my water went out on Saturday.

Fun thing about having spring water: you don’t have a water bill. Sucky thing: sometimes your lines get clogged and you have ZERO water.

I improvised for a few days. Thankfully, I got a shower in on Saturday morning before it went out, but I had to gather creek water for a few days to flush my toilet.

Tonight, I spent an hour and a half boiling about 16 gallons of creek water just so I could bathe. And that bath meant everything. It put so much into perspective for me. (Though I still scented it with essential oils, lit candles, and played Norah Jones… I mean, after that amount of work, could you blame me??)

I’ve spent the better part of a week feeling sorry for myself… But the reality of having to gather and heat water to bathe is the reality that some people on this planet face every day.

How spoiled am I?? How ungrateful?? Concerned about being lonely for the holidays??

I have so much for which to be grateful: a great job, an INCREDIBLE property, a wonderful home, relationships with AMAZING people… and I’m most struck by the reminder that it’s most important to invest in relationships.

Work doesn’t make for good company on the holidays. And while I’m so concerned about my life making a difference and meaning something… maybe that is supposed to be realized through my work AND my personal relationships.

#realitycheck #gratitude #wehaveitsoeasy #stopcomplaining #startliving