I caught myself thinking this the other day:

Why won’t kids answer when I call their name?

Not frustrated. Just… confused.

Because in my mind, it’s simple.
You hear your name, you respond.

But then I stopped and asked a better question:

What do I actually want them to do when I call them?

Do I want them to:
pause what they’re doing?
look at me?
say “yes”?
come over?

Because those are all different things.

And none of them are automatic.

What I’m starting to see is that “answering” isn’t one skill.

It’s a sequence.

Hear your name.
Pause your body.
Shift your attention.
Respond.

That’s a lot.

Especially for a young child who is fully inside whatever they’re doing.

So when I call their name from across the room and get nothing…

It might not be defiance.

It might just be that I haven’t been clear.

I think a lot of us expect kids to understand things we’ve never actually defined.

“Listen.”
“Be respectful.”
“Pay attention.”

But what do those mean in real life?

What does it look like in their body?

I still expect respect.

That hasn’t changed.

But I’m realizing that clarity has to come first.

Because when I slow down enough to teach the skill—
when I get close, make eye contact, and show them what I mean—

they meet me there.

More often than not, they want to get it right.

So now, instead of repeating their name louder…

I ask myself:

Have I actually taught this?

It’s a small shift.

But it changes the whole tone of the room.

—

This is part of an ongoing body of work I’m calling The Gentle Lead.